Excited about the fact that Eastern Michigan forms the acronym EMU, I rushed to their web site to see what their mascot was. It is an eagle. This is aggravating for several reasons. First, eagles are endlessly subjected to unoriginal mascotry which turns them from unique animals into pedestrian cartoons. Inexcusable. Second, there are over 60 species of eagle. Exactly which one are you, Eastern Michigan? Or are you claiming that you're all of them? Stupid. And third, Eastern has the opportunity to be the EMU Emus, a wonderfully unique creature (pictured right). Instead, they continued to carve eagles into tiny bits with their rusty Knife of Conformity. Until the change is made, DOWN WITH EASTERN MICHIGAN, AND UP WITH THE EMUS!Since sports is in the air this weekend, I thought I would write a letter to Eastern Michigan’s athletic director to suggest the mascot change. To find his email address, I went to the web site www.emu.edu only to find out that this is not Eastern Michigan’s web site, but Eastern Mennonite University’s site. Alas, neither do they take advantage of being the EMU Emus, but instead are the Emu Royals, which is totally unrelated to birds. Not wanting to bother finding Eastern Michigan’s web site, I instead emailed the following on Saturday, February 6, 2010 to Dave King, Athletic Director of Eastern Mennonite University.
Dear Mr. King,
My name is Cyrus Wetherbee. I am a big fan of Eastern Mennonite University athletics, and an even bigger fan for the potential of Eastern Mennonite University athletics. As you obviously know, the mascot to the university is “The Royals,” depicted as a lion. May I suggest, however, a change of mascot to the Emus?
The Emu, although flightless like the Ostrich or Southern Cassoway, is nevertheless a noble, beautiful creature. Originally from Australia, it is now commonly farmed in the United States for eggs and meat.
I believe you depict the “Royal” as a lion due to vague religious connotations to Jesus. To be fair though, Jesus probably saw as many lions as he did emus. Also, the emu has more religious connotations than a lion since it is instrumental to the Australian Aboriginal creation myth.
The advantages to the mascot change are multiple. First, you (dare I say we?) would be the EMU Emus. People would just love to say that. To my knowledge, no other organization uses the Emu as a mascot. Currently Eastern Mennonite University is the Royals, associating this great school with a perennially-failed professional baseball team. George Brett is the past—the Emu is the future! Second, because it’s so original a mascot you would have people unassociated with the school wanting to wear our apparel. This could be a major revenue source for the school.
While I am not personally Mennonite, my friend Sammy Clifton has family that is, and he tells me that you’re pretty much morally obliged to at least hear me out and give my offer some thought. This is an opportunity we can’t let pass. If we don’t act now, Eastern Michigan may beat us to the change. Let me know what you think. I could get you some sketches of lovable emus or more fierce-looking emus (“Ladies and gentlemen, here are your Fightin’ Emus!”). I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Cyrus Wetherbee
I’ll let you know what I hear!
